You think you seen the sun, but you ain't seen it shine...

Everybody loves a winner
So nobody loved me;
'Lady Peaceful,' 'Lady Happy,'
That's what I long to be
All the odds are in my favor
Something's bound to begin
It's got to happen, happen sometime
Maybe this time I'll win


So I just called and talked to Linda at Unto These Hills and we caught up and I am definitely going to go down to auditions.

I really need this job.

So I guess the more appropriate show number to post would be from A Chorus Line:

Paul:

Who am I anyway?
Am I my resume?
That is a picture of a person I don't know.
What does he want from me?
What should I try to be?
So many faces all around and here we go
I need this job, Oh God, I need this show.

New Year's yadayada

So.

I have many New Year’s Resolutions to be put into practice. Just a few:

1. Lose weight: Duh. Always a goal. But I am giving up soda actually in an effort to make this work. In theory, with all of the soda that I consume on a daily basis working in a restaurant where I get endless refills…I should cut out a lot of calories

2. Blog at least three times a week: My parents got me a laptop for Christmas and any time in my life where I have written more than once a week, I have not always felt happier, but at least I have felt expressed and like I was making progress with what was going on in my life.

3. Get at least 3 professional/public acting jobs in 2010: paid is not the operative word yet, just getting on stage in a public space and performing. It’s been over a year since I have been on stage and I am about to die. I feel so stifled as an artist.

4. Work on feeling guilty: I am a really easily made to feel guilty for the stupidest shit EVER, and I am sick of it. It started with my mother and continued with any close female friend or boyfriend I’ve had. I’m done. I’m an individual who is going to be confident in my own decisions and be ok with disappointing people. This is not saying I’m going to be a douche bag, it’s just that if I really DON’T want to hang out with you or if I’d really rather do something other than you planned, I am going to stand my ground. I’ve discovered a lot of my lying issues are tied to me being a doormat and people pleaser and that part of my life is over. 22 years is enough.

I also hope to catch up with people that I miss and hang out with people more. In being a part of a long term relationship (not Channing’s fault), I’ve become less social with people and have become more of a shut in. I want to get back to where I was before. Not necessarily the life of the party, because I have discovered that I am much more of an introvert than I thought, but defiantly going to a bar and having a few drinks with people.

I’m also set on moving somewhere in the not so distant future. Harrisonburg has served it’s place and purpose in my life, but I plan on moving by the end of my lease in August. Where? With who? Who the fuck knows.

But we all know I am ok with that sort of thing. Maybe across the country completely alone.

I’d love to move somewhere again where absolutely no one knows me.